July 29, 1998

Fear. A funny word - or maybe not so funny. What does it mean to be afraid? Does it mean you don’t do some things that you think you are afraid of? Or make you rather illish when faced with doing them. Can you overcome fear - face down the demons that keep you from living or working to your full potential? Overcome the urge to throw up when your heart is pounding out of your chest?

There are certain things I don’t like. Heights for example. Or climbing ladders up heights. I dunno why. Now, is this fear? Whether it is or isn’t, once in a while I am faced with doing images from a height greater than 2 feet. My stomach lurches as I hear myself say out loud “Hey, no problem, I can do that. I can climb that tower, go up that ladder, shimmy up that pole.” Inside my head my little girl personality is screaming “Noooooooooo. Are you nuts. To fall is to DIE.”

Last week we were doing a story on the solar energy fields near here. I endured the driving around tour and saw that after shooting several ground level shots that to really show the scope of this field I needed to be up - high up. The highest point was a fire training tower that was accessible only by ladders. No stairways, no safety belts either, just ladders.

I slung the camera over my chest bandito style, hoisted the bag onto my left shoulder and went up up up and more up. I didn’t look up. I didn’t look down. I didn’t like it at all. But the photo was worth the trip. It told the story best. I guess that is part of what it is all about. Doing what is necessary despite personal fears and biases.

July 28, 1998

Lara Hartley