May 13: Listen to the breeze

Drove up the mountain to Nederland's Barker Dam late night and just sat there for an hour. I thought about how dreams fade away, wondered what is to become of my life and what this uncertain future had in store. I regret not making the most of my opportunities, but as one self-help book advised: instead of saying you are not good at something, say you are were not good at it UNTIL TODAY. I now vow to make the most of all that is handed to me and to follow what Michael Jordan said: "You can't get there if you don't push yourself."

Took a look at a special education section in USA Today on promising high school graduates: they have so much promise. I feel old at 24 but I hope there's still time to affect somebody's life for the better and to change the way people see the world.

Taking a break from photography which has been everything for the last four years. Need some breathing room. Starting to practice on my drum rudiments again so that in ten years, I won't be saying: "If I could just practice for ten years I'd be as good as the guy on stage."

My friend Jonathan Castner gave me some good advice: listen to the breeze. He told me to spend a day doing nothing, to relax and just sit under a tree. Although I haven't taken his advice yet, I am seeing how important his advice is. I can't believe, in my 4.5 years in Colorado, I haven't skied, gone biking, hiking or camping. My Aspen ski instructor buddy has invited me so many times for free ski lessons, but I've been too busy. I think I'll listen to the breeze this weekend.

May 16: Learning to see

Spent 14.5 hours shooting the high school prom. It was quite a refreshing experience since I couldn't afford the prom in high school. Since my hiatus from sports shooting, my reaction times are nearing sluggish. My eye captures the moment but my hand spends an eternity reacting. It's frustrating and reminds me of that scene in Rocky and his futile attempt trying to catch a runaway chicken.

I learned a lot about capturing the decisive moment from a faulty flash circuit that occasionally dumped a full load at the most inopportune times. I missed a shot of a girl going nuts as she tested the car she had just won in the prom lottery. If you want to know what an eternity is, it's waiting for that red light on the flash to reappear as those moments slip away. I now close my eyes as I wait for the flash to recycle.

I tried to keep shooting to minimal that evening, trying to better pick the decisive moments; the climax and not the rising action. I have since tried to watch more and shoot less. Learning to see and not shoot is like learning to listen instead of talk.

May 19: John Morris (Tears the roof off the sucker)

Wish I could have shared with more people the phenomenon of John G. Morris, former photo editor of Life Magazine, executive editor of Magnum, editor at the Washington Post and New York Times.

John was in town promoting his new book 'Get the Picture' and he gave a rousing speech which still gives me the chills. He talked about how he was at the London photo desk during the mishap involving Robert Capa's negatives from the D-Day invasion, he described his first meeting with Alfred Eisenstaed and the unpublished butt-shot of a hospitalized Ernest Hemingway after a car accident. The characters in his stories read like a Who's-Who of photojournalism: Cartier-Bresson, W. Eugene Smith, Capa, Werner Bischoff, Eisenstaed etc...

He said the great photographers shared an enduring curiosity.

He also recalled the events leading up to Capa's untimely death during an assignment for Life magazine in Indochina. He had heard Werner Bischoff had died in South America and was in mourning when he was called by a Life Magazine researcher who wanted to get some information for an obituary. Assuming the interview was on Werner, he was shocked when the questions focused on Capa's life.

As a tribute to his friend, John printed a large contact sheet of the last frame Capa shot; the reel extending to black after frame 11, his last shot.

He showed me that there are so many places to go and so much to do in this life, if you just risk it and try. He made me hunger to be present the next time history writes another chapter.

I've always had a problem when it comes to meeting the 'BIG GUYS' who I admire in the photo business. I once shared a boat ride with Jim Richardson and couldn't get the nerve to even introduce myself.

John taught me that the big guys are not to be feared. I went up to him and gave him the "we're not worthy" salute, and then told him I had legally changed my name to...(pointing to my name tag) "John G. Morris XVI" He laughed.

He said in the book he wrote about how photographers did crazy things to get the attention of editors and jobs.

"I'll remember you." he said.

I asked him "You know, I get nervous when I meet the big people in the business, so I was just wondering, if you were in my position, what question would you ask yourself?"

On this great trek of life, I am glad I met John Morris. As for our paths, I hope the twain shall meet again. I wrote the following on the photo I presented to John: "Your words and your life are truly an inspiration."

So go out buy John's book from him. And please mention VENDOR REFERENCE NO: 5233. :)

May 21: Poetry and the photographic image

I never thought losing my car stereo would affect the way I see as a photographer. But during my Greeley internship, with it's one-hour drive to work, I had nothing else to do but memorize poetry. I have since memorize 12 poems from Lord Byron, Pablo Neruda, Shakespeare, Robert Frost, etc.

Poetry has taught me how to show things in a different way, and also to compress my image into something that occupies less space but is more powerful. Poetry's function reminds me of that infommercial with Jay Kordich(the crazy guy with the eyebrows) who raves about his juicer. He said the juicer extracts all the pulp out, till all you're left is just the good stuff. That's how I want my photos. ee. cummings "The Red Wheelbarrow" is a good example of this philosophy and has taught me about the simplicity and power of two stark images:

so much depends upon

a red wheel barrow

glazed with rain water

beside the white chickens.

I also like "In at Station of the Metro" by Ezra Pound:

The apparition of these faces in the crowd;

Petals on a wet, black bough.

I have also learned a lot from Japanese haiku. Haiku writers are challenged to convey a vivid impression in only 17 Japanese characters. In Japan these poems are valued for their lightness, their simplicity, their openness and their depth; something I'd like to mimic in my photos. Here's Basho:

A green willow,

dripping down into the mud,

at low tide.

Sick on a journey:

Over parched fields

Dreams wander on.

And here's another Masaoka Shiki, another master of haiku:

An iris whiter at twilight

in spring

Poetry has taught me the imagery of ideas and how to better understand the human condition. It has taught me about economy of words and different ways to express the commonalties between different people in time and space.

I have heard that a true artist is one who dips his fingers in other pools and by looking at William Albert Allard's astonishing eye for color(influenced by the Impressionists) who can argue?

Random thought: If writers are paid 10 cents a word on the low end, and if one photo is truly worth a 1000 words, how come the AP only pays $25 a photo?

May 20: Fear Sucks

Someone once told me I think too much and don't act. Fear has kept me from doing many things that could have changed my life. From now on, it's time to stop letting fear rule because fear sucks.

May 23: Unique Angles

Sometimes we forget to look for the extreme angles. Open up the latest Geographic and check out Gerd Ludwig's story on the Russian railroad. His establishing shot was gathered from hours spent tethered by a single rope off the side of a moving train.

We've heard many times before, but how many times do we look for insane angle that hasn't been tried before? How many times have we even dreamed of attaching a camera on the back of a 747?

I was shooting the Kinetics Sculpture Challenge where a host of mechanized vehicles race on land and on water. I saw Bobby Modell, a National Geographic shooter, who was neck-deep in water with a Nikonos camera capturing the vehicles as they left the beach.

I am now getting out of a shooting rut: I am shooting more vertical shots, leaving my flash in the camera bag, using 100ASA slide film in low light conditions and looking for different angles. I love the mood of a recent shot I took of a lady walking down a rain-soaked street at dusk. I followed her from behind and shot at 1/4 second at f2.8 using 200 ASA film. I like it because it symbolises to me the lonely, dark road ahead for this wonderful woman, yet the red jacket shows that there is glimmer of light in this life.

Or maybe I've had too much CAFFEINE!!!!

Geographic photographer James Sugar summed it up with: the moment you shoot something the same way, it's time to stop.

May 25: What I learned today

I had to cover the annual Bolder Boulder 10K bartrace and I learned a few things on my fourth year of coverage:

o Shoot vertical: we often get into such a horizontal rut that we forget to see things outside this narrow perspective. I was shooting a runner being carried off the finish line after she collapsed. Another shooter shot vertical and got her warped legs dragging on the Astroturf.

o Concentrate: As I chatted briefly with another shooter on the press truck, I noticed (my hero) Rudolfo Gonzalez of the Rocky Mountain News never took his eye off the runners. He got a story-telling shot of the lead runners taking the time to pass each other cups of water.

o Attitude is everything: At the beginning of the race, I was mentally tired of the strain involving getting something different from this race. But as soon as I started to think positive and relaxed, I started to see a lot better.

o Don't be afraid to try to improve on a shot you already have: I had gotten a colorful shot of runners framed through a church window in last year's race. I always wanted to shoot it with a longer lens and experiment with different shutter speeds but unfortunately I will have to wait till next year because part of me did not want to go back to old ground. I now regret my decision.

o See the light: As a newspaper photographer I am always concerned about making the best reproduction using fill-flash and trying to avoid harsh light, occasionally at the expense of seeing the light and shadows. In a way, I wish I had filters on my eyes which could lower the dynamic range to that of film. One photographer had a nice shot of a flamenco dancer framed by the silhouettes of viewers sitting under the shade.

o Trust your vision: I felt silly slipping into 1 degree lake water on New Year's Day at the Polar Bear club as a crowd of locals jumped into the freezing water. I got a wide-angle shot of the crazies jumping into the water but I should have jumped in earlier so I could get more shots.

o Experiment like hell while covering your bases: Rudolfo Gonzalez knew that he had to get a variety of shots of a basically boring event. He panned during a slow shutter speed when one of the runners was splashed with water from a garden hose. He showed how the American runners were badly beaten by getting a wide shot of the lone American runner bringing up the rear. He photographed the shadow of a flamenco dancer cast on the pavement as the wave of runners swept by.

o Relax and have fun: There were two other shooters covering the event and this alleviated the pressure of covering everything. Consequently I had the most fun I have had in the last four years. I got to flamenco dance, play the drums with a garage band and get a taste of Bloody Mary.

All in all this day of learning hurt. My friend Jonathan consoled me as I lamented over Rudolfo's amazing photos. 'I want to be Rudy,' I said. But I quickly realized I was living a silly dream. I learned that as much as I want to be like 'Rudy' I have to be myself. It's like copying a comedian's jokes and styles. In the end, you are not really funny, you are just a mimic.

In any case, he's an amazing shooter and I remember most of his photos that have graced the front pages of the Rocky Mountain News in recent years. He showed me that the margin of difference between a great photo and a good photo is a split-second. Another shooter had the same shot of a front runner passing a cup of water to his Kenyan teammate, except in Rudy's photo you could see the water splash from the runner's cup; the slightest things make the biggest difference.

I can do it. My goal is to be one day as good as these powerhouses and I'm going to concentrate for the next ten years. Michael Jordan's performance in Game 7 against the Indiana Pacers showed me the power of the willpower.

May 27: Don't focus on one thing

My friend Jonathan gave me some excellent advice: don't focus on one shot at the expense of other's you aren't expecting.

I had always wanted to get a bird's eye photo of graduates throwing up their hats in the air. Thanks to my boss Jon Hatch, I was furnished with the equipment to fulfill my vision: a monopod, 17-35mm lens and a 25-bart cable release.

I drove to the Airforce Academy graduation in Colorado Springs. I hoisted the camera(attached to the monopod) over the crowd of graduates and prepared to shoot. For some reason, only a few graduates in my corner threw up their hats, and the 34 frames I blew contained a few shots of hats in the air.

I have since failed to perfect this photo in one other graduations but am encouraged by the words of a Geographic photographer who spent 18 months on one photo. There's always next year.

I discovered that I am sometimes narrow-minded when I stick to an idea of what the telling photo should be at the expense of looking for the unexpected photos that may tell the story better. Hopefully this weakness will be corrected in version 2.0.

May, 1998

Behind the Viewfinder - A Year in the Life of Photojournalism
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