"We'll make this one work," declared the Sacramento Beešs director of photography, Mark Morris, as he marked a frame with red Sharpie.

Thirty minutes prior I was at the scene of a fatal accident, where a fifty-year-old man was struck by a car while riding a bicycle along Fair Oaks Blvd. Witnesses say he swerved out in front of a passing Chevy El Camino, was hit by the caršs front-right fender, slammed against the windshield, and eventually fell to the ground and was killed.

I came upon the accident on my way home from a recreational soccer game and immediately went home to change clothes and get my equipment. The entire four-lane street was blocked off to traffic as the life-flight helicopter landed and paramedics worked to revive the victim. I raced back to the scene just a quarter-mile away from my home, flashed my California Highway Patrol press identification, and started shooting.

WHY? Why did I rush home and rush back? Why did I want to shoot this accident scene? I have heard many journalists proclaim they cover tragedies like this so people will be more careful and hope the coverage will save lives. They hope people will think twice when they venture out without a bike helmet on, or be more careful when they turn onto the road where an accident recently occurred. I often wonder how much of that is just lip-service and convenient after-the-fact justification.

I didn't think about those factors. When I made the decision to go check out the scene it was purely narcissistic. I thought first about what kind of pictures I could make: Would they be portfolio material? Could I get a clip winner? Then about if they Bee would buy it from me: Is it too late? Would they already have their Metro page done? Would they want to run pictures from a traffic accident?

Later that night I thought about it. I thought about how everything went down, how I shot and why I shot. I was disappointed because 15 frames didnšt come out due to a borrowed-lens hood blocking my flash, creating a half-circle of black at the bottom of my frame. It was embarrassing to have Mark Morris see that dumb mistake. The frame Mark picked, the most-usable of the bunch, has slight motion blur. It definitely was not top-notch work. I thought it sucked. But that is not what I was most concerned with.

I am ashamed of my motivation for going out and making pictures. I wasnšt interested in telling a story, in raising awareness, in performing a public service. I was interested in one thing: Joe Jaszewski.

It will probably be awhile until I photograph something of that nature again. Until there is something I feel the public needs to know about, or my editor feels the public needs to know about, I wonšt be racing to any more scenes of crumpled metal and body bags.

Although it wasn't ultimately necessary, the Life Flight helecopter was flown in and landed on Fair Oaks Blvd. Paramedics were not able to revive the victim.

CHP officers inspect the mangled bike the victim was riding, as the owner of the Chevy El Camino is questioned in the background. Having borrowed a 17-35 lens, I didn't know its over-sized hood blocked my on-camera flash. 15 frames were lost due to this.

CHP officers inspect the mangled bike the victim was riding, as the owner of the Chevy El Camino is questioned in the background. This is the picture that ran in The Sacramento Bee on 7/11/99.

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